Surreptitious Superstitions

My black cat Jinx.  No, really.

I have recently noticed that over the course of the last several years I have somehow adopted a few superstitions.  I can't say I've never had a superstition before this, but I don't think that I really believed they worked or felt that the ritual did much to sway the eventual course of events.  I've always been a bit of a fatalist in that department, thinking that life will play out however it sees fit and that chance and circumstance have the greatest effect on where our lives end up.  That's not to say I don't also think that it is our responsibility to do as much as is in our control to drive our lives in the direction we wish them to go.  But I still think ultimately if we do get to wherever it is we hope to go, much of the success of the journey there must be attributed to chance.  And I don't suppose believe is quite the right word either for what I have in these weird superstitions I've adopted.  They've always been a sort of game for me, a way to amuse myself internally.  Plus, being in theatre for so long, one can't help but adopt a few as part of the culture (i.e. never saying the name of or quoting from The Scottish play unless you're working on it, no whistling in the house, etc).  Yet despite all of this, I am certainly beginning to feel a sense of unease if the ritual of my acquired superstitions isn't followed.

For example, when I'm driving and listening to music, I skip songs that have to do with car crashes.  (One of my favorites, Car Crash by Matt Nathanson, gets passed over regularly now.)  Many other people that I don't know probably do this as well.  But I don't know what made me personally begin to think that for some reason playing such tunes while driving would suddenly throw cosmic focus in my direction and cause me to swerve into a semi fulfilling some sort of ironic destiny.  I've never even been in an accident while driving (knock on wood ;) so there isn't even a logical excuse to justify this behavior.  Yet, before, I can even think about stopping the urge, my nervous forefinger has already pressed the next track button in anticipation of hearing those first fearfully beautiful chords strike up.

The other day i found that same twitchy finger skipping a different song that had nothing to do with preserving my mortality but an entirely new subject matter - cops.  As if saying the word out loud would summon the dementors themselves.  In my defense, I was speeding generously so my nerves were a bit more heightened that usual.  Well, in truth, I always speed.  (Who doesn't?)  Five over is the general rule but that's if I'm not in a hurry - and I'm pretty much always in a hurry.

Sometimes though, if I'm feeling particularly defiant (or just a little pissy) I'll play one of these songs purposefully breaking the superstition.  Not that I want a fiery chariot to by my end or anything, I just think it's important to challenge what I fear (within reason of course).  I tell myself this to keep me grounded so that these games don't actually gain any footing on what I actually believe.  But I think some part of me still thinks I'm somehow sticking it to the cosmos.

Perhaps this whole superstition thing is just my neurosis kicking in.  Or maybe my conscious just has a funny way of telling me to slow the heck down.

Forever and ever et cetera,
Cara

Quote of the Day:  "I worry that, especially as the Millennium edges nearer, pseudo-science and superstition will seem year by year more tempting, the siren song of unreason more sonorous and attractive." -- Dr. Carl Sagan

A laser gaze from my other black cat Gizmo.

Songs About Superstitions (all from musicals, I might add):

• "The Gospel According to King" from My Favorite Year

• "You Never Say 'Good Luck' on Opening Night" from The Producers

My Current Driving Playlist:

• Everlong ^ -- The Foo Fighters
• Careful ^ -- Paramore
• Yankee Bayonet * -- The Decemberists
• The Few That Remain ^ -- Set Your Goals
• Monkey Wrench ^ -- The Foo Fighters
• Brick By Boring Brick ^ -- Paramore
• Typical ^ -- Mutemath
• The Kids Aren't Alright (a capella cover) ^ -- MIT Logarhythms
• Oh! Sweet Nuthin' * -- The Velvet Underground
• A Sorta Fairytale * -- Tori Amos
• Misguided Ghosts * -- Paramore
• Wonderwall (a capella cover) * -- U. Georgia Noteworthy

^ good for speeding
* good for cruising
* good for cruising at night