The new year has gotten off to a slow start. Like waking from a dream maybe? I think the winter coma is starting to set in. Plus there's a sort of postpartum I always experience after the holidays. There's all of this build up, a race to get everything done, and then afterwards all I have to look forward to is cleaning everything up...
but now it's like one degree out... and it's dark all the damn time...
Perhaps it's Seasonal Affective Disorder or maybe it's just my body finally protesting all of the constant running, but I'm already tired of it.
"So this is the new year... and I don't feel any different..."
- Death Cab for Cutie - The New Year
Bomb Cyclone
To make matters worse, this particular winter has gotten off to a particularly aggressive start. We had a lovely white Christmas and then BAM it was down in the single digits for weeks. As we speak, a 'bomb cyclone' is heading up the East Coast, which sounds like a snow hurricane. WTF.
But while I get overwhelmed by the idea of whatever a 'bomb cyclone' is, I also get a sort of excitement that I have an excuse to just stay inside nestled in the warm embrace of an adult onesie sipping a delicious warm beverage (topped with a stroop waffle. I want to put on my comfiest socks, light some candles and snuggle up in front of our fake fireplace because it just makes me feel good. I think it's the closest that I can comprehend hygge to be (except add in friends and comfort food).
I have so many goals for the new year that I want to kick off - regular yoga, guitar, and calligraphy practice, get my yoga teacher certification, start-up my candle and calligraphy business, learn the tarot deck - and I just feel like I'm slogging through a pool of maple syrup. Very slowly, I've been penciling in charts and maps into my bullet journal to start tracking my progress but I feel equal parts itching to get started and wanting to bury myself in a blanket and never come out again. It's frustrating! And while I'm not sure how to break out of it just yet, I've begin to see it as a cocoon phase. Maybe I do need to just shut myself in and have some inside time. And I don't just mean inside my house. I mean inside my head. Maybe what I need is to be ok with the spaceouts that keep happening. Maybe they're necessary. Useful even.
Back in July, I stumbled upon a medium at a Harry Potter festival in Volant. I figured what the heck, and gave it a go. She told me that I was an old soul. That I was a healer and need to do something with healing which is why I was feeling so unfulfilled. She said that I have four spirit guides and that I needed to start meditating. That they would speak to me and I would know what to do once I started. I don't know if I buy it all but when Chrissy when in the first thing she asked her was why she was so scattered, which was pretty on point. So I've been looking into meditation lately as well, but haven't taken the leap. It's like I'm standing at the edge of a great precipice and haven't yet accepted that the only way down is jumping. But who knows? Maybe I'll emerge with a pair of wings and be able to fly off this thing.
